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The Sims is one of the strangest games I have ever poured my time into.

As a child, I invested perhaps hundreds of hours into creating characters, building houses, picking out furniture, and doing all the things that came with each expansion pack.

As an adult, I find some silliness to the matter.

A common track I would take with my sims was to the top of their career ladders.

As fast as possible.

My sim would be asleep and I’d have a queue of actions ready for him for when he wakes up.

Eat. Pee. Shower. Play on the computer. Talk to yourself in the mirror to practice your charisma before going to work. Work. Come home. Spend evening talking to the mirror again until you’re too tired to stand. Go to bed. Repeat.

Repeat.

Promotion!

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Promotion!

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Promotion!

What I was frustrated most by when doing these cycles was that my sim had to talk to people or they would get lonely. Why couldn’t they make a sim that didn’t feel lonely?

Flashback to present day. Holy shit, that may well be exactly how I’m living my life.

I wake up. Go to gym. Work work work. Come home. Get high. Play video games.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Promotion!

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Promotion!

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

What the fuck am I playing this game for? I’m moving in circles even though people tell me I’m going far.

Far where? Where is far if it truly is far?

There’s a thing with OCD where there is this desire to preserve something good whenever I can declare something as such. I’m very good at detecting patterns of behavior that are favorable or appealing to a person. I then emulate said behavior in the contexts that I think they will work. What I think isn’t working for me is the fact that I am still staring at inanimate screens for most of my day instead of trying to interact with others.

What I missed completely while playing a game like The Sims was the fact that it wasn’t that loneliness held my sim back from their goals, but an extension of the fate of my own ego. The more you focus on fulfilling your needs and desires, the less you are of others. Interaction is good, healthy even.

Life becomes sterile when you attempt to control every variable that works in your favor. It also clashes with such behaviors when things do not work out. When you have so much structure built around ensuring you are delivering your absolute best day in and day out, having a slip here in there leads to some messy crashes.

Humans have built tall structures. But those that remain and stand the test of time are built smart, with foundations that anchor them down to the earth.

Self care is a real thing. If you’re just taking depression naps, you’re not helping yourself. Stretch. Meditate. Do something if you can’t leave the house. Anything to work with time.

Time is the only thing we have. Each new breath, a gift.

Stop trying to preserve yourself for your desires over your needs.