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I used to ponder the thought of what may be written on my tomb stone.  If there even is one.  I mean, the world is collapsing, right?  Who will be left to remember us?

Otherwise, like, what if I want to be a tree?  Probably gonna last longer than whatever I have to say right now, but here goes nothing..

All perspectives matter, including yours.  Mind you, every perspective has its place, and gets clarified over time.

Even to the point at which one would otherwise feel themselves backed into a corner, time and again, for being of sallow existence just for having the thought.  No, the feeling.  No wait, it's when you tell the truth.  Not that?  When I speak?  Wow, really?  For breathing too loud?  What?  I don't know why I look like this.  

I'll just try to be different next time. I guess.

Maybe next time will be the time I am finally accepted and given this sweet fruit of unconditional love that is being held just out of reach for me, if I can just be something worth loving.  

And that, my friends, is how a child, born of ignorance, learned how to make something in life of every single shattered piece of that mirror that others could see in my eyes as 'broken'.  Damaged goods.  Not worth the attention, it's not like they are going to get it anyway.  Might as well let them have it.

Have what, my friends?  Ignorance.  Ignorance is perhaps the most inescapable enemy in life in a world where one emerges from the experience of diving down to their deepest depths of thoughts just to spill their own entrails upon the masses such that vultures may feast upon my gizzards like it's novel?  Shit, I've done it enough times I could write a novel on the experience of that alone.  Mind you, I see myself writing one here that is of infinite delay and of no recourse to me.  Lamentable as it may be to observe me lament publicly, I am grieving things I never knew were even grievable, let alone have experiences of grieving so powerful that they rocked the foundation of my very existence.  And then again two weeks later.

Honestly, it does not matter what people think about you because if they are spending even five seconds of their day, any day, seeking to judge you for the choices you make in the ignorance of your own background and experience, mind you, with good faith that they would seek to acknowledge and be responsible to any matter the moment one took notice, then they are not worth noticing or tending to even bother remarking at as conditional to arriving at a personal definition of success.  No one cares about the keepings of your dominion in thought, but you can.  And some people actually do.

I discern for myself to be a free thinking individual, no longer identifying with the labels of alphabet soup thrust upon me in life so that I can make sure to earmark myself from this day forth as a broken, noncontributing, imbecile-at-best in the context of offering anything meaningful to the world.

I am integrating, healing, creating, and in constant service of seeking greater positioning and alignment with numero uno.  Because it is only they who can be of mind with me enough to say that I, too, am deserving of love to the most infinite capacity by which I allow myself to feel I deserve it.

If you do not believe you matter, you will not conscript in the idea of bothering to do anything for yourself, never mind fight for yourself, but even tend to yourself.  I'm talking not just defending yourself in a fist fight, but acquiescing to the experience of crazy others give themselves the permission to place upon you whenever something comes out of your mouth exceeds their capacity for integrated logical reason and feeling into it.

Why? Because they don't got what I got...but they could. 

Their loss, not mine. And my loss every moment hereafter by which I recognize myself to not be the customer to my own devices.

Trust in that, in life, change is natural.  That means that we become more natural the more we change.  I've never looked at overgrowth and thought death, but that doesn't mean it can't kill itself at some point for sucking the area dry of anything of appeal to tend to.

Well that sucks.   I think we can be a little bit more inspiring than that.

At least, I aspire to believe so and I let it be that my aspirations result in the causes of others' aspirations toward a common sense of humanity.

And so it is.

Is that narcissistic?  Who knows at this point for all I care.  When you are born of circus in this age, words are nothing more than rules of expression.

And no one follows the rules anyway, so why is it of such importance that I, of all people, need to be that which no one else can show me?

All I know is now is this: if you were in my position, how can you even relate to the idea of doing anything else but believe in anything as true.

Including everything, mind you.  I believe in everything, fight me on this if you truly seek to understand the depth of my understanding and ignorance.

Mind you, I ought to mention that, when my mother and I get into fights, even to this day, I am routinely accused of being a narcissist.

And you know what? I think she's right.  

Honestly, not sure how else one could otherwise survive ten years of the onslaught of her words like daggers.

Book of life through at your head every turn, and never being explained the why such that one is left grasping for any read on things.

And thus, I found context in that Context found me when I made the decision as a five year old that I wanted to truly see what was happening.

And what did I get for that?  The experience of being accused as awful, cruel, mean-spirited, selfish, no matter what I thought I was doing as good.

It got to the point where one could not help but put together the thought that "perhaps she believes I am the source of all her problems".

And you know what?  I think she is right.  At least, now I do.

Why?  Well.  I already told you what I believe, didn't I?

Truth be told, I cannot lie with my own argument.  

Believe what you are and say what you feel, because those who mind do not matter and those who matter do not mind.

Checkmate, silly goose.

Now, let us play, you precious child, forever lost to their own context in want of the Conviction, Resonance, Authenticity, Vision, & Ease in passage of thought through what was nearly life breaking.  Truly.  

Being lost isn't the same as being nowhere. Being lost is worse because there's the false hope that you might be found.  Good luck in the search to find nothing but emptiness the more you seek to explore your suffering for answers for why you are not making choices to act on your experience now.

If you ever feel lost in life, I am sorry.  Or at least, I wish I could be, but it is not my fault so I will not.  Acknowledgement in hand, you do not have to be.

Fragile as I was forged, it taught me so much about what can break people over time if they willingly continue to participate in what kills them.

Now who is stuck in a system of thought?  Don't get lost folks, it's really, really dark in there.  If you don't know what I mean yet, you will.

And if you know, you know, and if you know, you know enough to know that if you have to bother to ask, you'll never know.  Truly, folks. 

Living and leading by esteem are not for the faint of heart, but sometimes the examples you wish to see in the world are your callings to step into them.  Otherwise, you begin to lead a life in the meta.  Never doing anything over manicuring the most perfect bonsai tree the world has ever seen.

If only they could see it though, right?  But what if what you are tending to is just an inferiority complex such that one can continue to belabor the idea that they are meek, afraid, and helpless to the thought.  Literally, as in, like, the thought.  The thought alone can harm this one, especially when they seek to, yet again, find themselves in the accord of choosing the whispers of Ego as they echo within the entrapments of my inner halls of glory.

The glory is in the arrival, what more did you want to be in the present?  A gift?  No sweetie, that's you.  The gift of arrival is presence you can give to others that no one you have encountered to date has been able to embody, let alone uphold in a manner befitting of upskilling on one's own vulnerability as if it was the antithesis of the realities of Cold War, and is my thesis by which I believe we can wage of Warm War.  

I suppose it's just a matter of emphasis, eh?  It can be really hard to see things clearly unless we truly seek to commit within ourselves to arrive with a level of transparency, flow, and grace that, if those ever be of critical control, are to be let go and allowed to breathe as they do, like living creatures.

Systems are only as alive as the people within them.  Bright as they may be, a war is being won in the fight for the territory of many minds of hope and promise in this world, only to be lost in ignorance to their ignorance.

Perhaps, then, the best systems are those that are what can actually reflect the cycles of nature.

Which means, every system is probably necessary at some point to being of help to something for someone, I guess, but now is no better time than to decommission some things no longer of use such that space may be made for new blossoms to take root.

But wow, does one need to go through a process they could even notice as it relates to the founding of anything that makes it market.

When you choose to believe in anything, or everything for that matter, there is an energetic cost to the choice of having that belief in hand as you go through life and, time and again, run into experiences that break down and refine the belief you first had into something that is more true.

No matter what the belief we come into this world in hand as having, it is our purpose and destiny to explore that which permits us feeling most alive and, given that, we need to grow with our beliefs as they, too, grow.  Otherwise, we fail to see what we believe to be true in life emerge when the truth was that it was in us all along to deliver that truth enough to find the deeper truths behind the choice to aspire.

Perhaps my truth is that it is worth exploring your maxims at risk of losing everything, because you just might find what you're truly in need of.  Love.

All I can ever hope for is to help those who are suffering and truly in need.  Things can always be worse, and that is why we help people.

A Logical Arc For Exploring The Illogical & Finding Truth in Paradox

My maxim: all perspectives matter.

  0. Bliss (Ignorance): All perspectives matter iff ignorance itself has a place as the soil of knowing.

1. Charity: All perspectives matter iff every voice is granted initial recognition.

2. Context: All perspectives matter iff their context is known.

3. Competence / Harm: All perspectives matter iff they are tested by practice and reflection, and only if they do not persist as poison once recognized.

4. Shadow: All perspectives matter iff even hidden and denied parts are included in discernment.

5. Power: All perspectives matter iff distortions of power are accounted for.

6. Intent vs Impact: All perspectives matter iff intent is weighed alongside impact.

7. Outcomes: All perspectives matter iff they do not systematically erode dignity or possibility for life.

8. Truth: All perspectives matter iff their testimony (what it felt like) is distinguished from their evidence (what it was), and only if both are held in right relation.

9. Reciprocity: All perspectives matter iff hearing is mutual — given and returned.

10. Decision (Leadership): All perspectives matter iff they can be weighed in choice, and only if a path forward can still be chosen among them.

11. Identity: All perspectives matter iff identities remain living and revisable, and only if clinging does not harden them into prisons.

12. Integration (Final): All perspectives matter iff they are tended with context, competence, compassion, and courage, and only if discernment grants authority without collapsing into relativism.

With this in mind, there were a lot more conditions to what we first thought, weren't there?  Imperfections emerge, but then truth just gets clarified.

Probably a bit much to seek to carry around and apply a magnifying lense to every semblance of one's expression but, hey, what a trip that was!

Especially when one takes a step back, what do they see?  The light of their own character, whole becoming.  Now that was worth it in itself, friend!

Oh, what a treasure indeed.  To discover the insights that come from the emergence of lived experience as beyond a reason for any doubt over here.

Truly, it can be found, that life is indeed death, while death is indeed life.

Rest in peace, my little man.  Good job, I am so proud of you - look at what you've done for yourself and become too.  What a gift, presence.

All this now, for you.